So here's a snap of them, me and my book All Made Up: A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty (playing the part of the little garden gnome in that French movie Amélie)

Kickin' in in Grand Central.

Let's work hard to get this in front of young women who need to realize that the women we see in mainstream media images are not real, but rather digitized to perfection.

My favorite line: "Maybe she's born with it."  "Uh, no, I'm pretty sure it's Photoshop." 

If I could just get every single one of us to conjure up that thought when we have even a flicker of self-body snarking....

Enjoy!

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Sure, it could be that she was born that way. But more likey, she works damn hard for it.

Great.

This is Audrey calling.  

In regards to what, you ask? 

Oh, just the fact that you’re all COMPLETELY INSANE and clearly out of touch with the groundswell of support demanding that the media feature models and celebrities who look more like real women than emaciated skeletons.

I'm sorry, but do you not recall how Spanish fashion week made news a few years back when it banned extremely skinny models from its catwalks? 

And how just a few weeks ago, even the Victoria’s Secret models had to back pedal after hyping their restrictive diets to the media?  In the past, everyone would have sat up and taken notes when a model shared her weightloss tips, but today (thankfully), people are concerned about the message such extreme regimens send to girls and all women who are trying desperately to not spend all their time and money copying the looks held up as ideals, and not to hate themselves when they inevitably fall short.  Hell, even Tyra Banks has morphed from one of the original Supermodels to a body peace warrior (and her tips for self acceptance aren't half bad.)

Nearly every girl I spoke to while researching my book expressed a wish to be a model/celebrity in some way. Even the girls who excel in school, sports and activities. *That's* how strong the cultural messages are about the importance and benefits of having the right look.

"Do you think I could model?"

I've opened manila envelopes containing expensive professional photos girls have invested in.  I've received hand wrapped packages crammed with snapshots of bikini-clad girls in their backyards asking if I think they stand a chance at being in  ______ (enter name of teen magazine I happened to be working for at the time).

From these letters, I gleaned that girls all over north America were spending a disproportionate amount (and by that I mean A LOT), of their time, energy and money on trying to achieve the look and body that would open this door to them.  They talked about quitting their favorite sports and activities in order to increase their chances of getting discovered.  In their minds: no soccer = diminished risk of getting a ball to the face, thereby ruining their shot at getting discovered by a model agent at the mall or airport--as if all malls and airports are constantly being trawled by modeling agents.  (But then again, given how we've all heard ad nauseum that Kate Moss was discovered at while en route to a family vacation, is it any surprise that they want that fairy tale for themselves?)  Girls also wrote in about spending their allowances on products and services--waxing, highlights, gym memberships--that once upon a time were only for adults, And about how much time they spent "hanging out" with their friends primping instead of playing.

Let me start off here by saying I AGREE.  Who wouldn't?  I don't like the idea that today's kids no longer roam free and explore on their own any more than the next mother. And there's nothing better than the bond (and the giggles) that comes from them messing around with their father on the kitchen floor. 

But as I said in this Associated Press article, as much as I  WANT my children to enjoy the benefits of roughhousing (a close physical connection to us as parents, a sense of their own physical power and free play) there's a lot at stake when the roughhousing starts.

First, Gwyneth was all “Every woman can make time to exercise."  And you can even do it “with your baby in the room” !  (Cause there’s nothing that my 2 and 4 year old boys would liike more than hanging out in the TV room on a sunny day watching me do the Tracy Anderson Method.)

Then, Reese Witherspoon was all “I don’t get up to make movies.  I awaken to have an excellent family and to cultivate the highest life for every body.”   Whoa.  Heavy.  And kind of out of touch, ungrateful and disingenuous given that most people don't earn 15+ million per movie and enjoy the choices that Reese does.

Finally the other day, I came across a similar quote from pregnant Alyssa Milano:

“I’ve had such a great time being pregnant that you’re probably going to see me more pregnant than not in the next few years.  I’m really digging it.” 

Yay for her.  No, really.   But I’m with blogger Julie Ryan Evans who calls Alyssa out in her  “Open letter to Alyssa Milano on her Pefect Pregnancy’ on The Stir:
“Right now, you're having a blast picking out baby names and decorating the nursery for your new baby boy, but soon you may not be able to pick up anything from the floor because you will be so enormous. Don't get me wrong, it's a glorious time, but just don't start buying cribs for all these babies you plan to have soon. There's a chance you may change your mind about not seeing your toes or having a good night's sleep for years on end.

Even if your first pregnancy goes without a single uncomfortable day, your second pregnancy and those beyond it are NOTHING like your first. Because, you see, you have your first to chase around all day. So even if your head is in the toilet because of morning sickness, you still have to keep your first-born alive and well too. Add a couple more, and that perfectly blissful pregnancy of which you speak will be a long forgotten memory no matter how many nannies you may have.

I'm not trying to be a downer, and I hope you have a houseful of children and are pregnant for years to come if that's what you wish. I just wish you'd be a little less perky about the whole experience because there are pregnant women out there who can't relate. And like your perfectly feathered hair back in the day, you're causing us all to yearn for what's unattainable for most.” (emphasis mine.)

This post isn't meant to be some Marxist diatribe against wealth and the benefits it affords.  It's actually a plea for celebs to just get real.  Because I'm sick of A-listers like Jennifer Lopez talking up how has no nanny for her 3 year old twins Max and Emme. So how does she appear on American Idol and stay so damn fabulous?  By getting various family members (whom I'm guessing don't need to worry about keeping a paying job to make ends meet likely thanks to Jen's generous support) to provide childcare. 

Why is no one talking about Heidi's recantations?  As a culture, we couldn't shut up last year about the number of surgeries she elected to have, her cup size, her relationship with her mother, the shade of her bleached blonde hair, her failed pop album, her PR seeking stunts etc etc.

And now she's admitted that we were right.  That "surgery made her look worse."  That she regrets having gone under the knife.  That there have been major repercussions (she can't jog due to the size of her G-cup breasts; she can't wash her face because she's afraid to bump her fragile nose; she has visible dimpling and scars on the back of her legs).