Damaging girls' self-esteem? There's an app for that.

Nearly every girl I spoke to while researching my book expressed a wish to be a model/celebrity in some way. Even the girls who excel in school, sports and activities. *That's* how strong the cultural messages are about the importance and benefits of having the right look.Over the course of my career, I have interned/worked/edited/freelanced at and for teen magazines like Sassy, YM, Jump, Teen People, Seventeen, Elle Girl, Cosmo Girl, Girls Life and others...and I can't tell you how many emails and letters I've seen asking the same question:

"Do you think I could model?"

I've opened manila envelopes containing expensive professional photos girls have invested in.  I've received hand wrapped packages crammed with snapshots of bikini-clad girls in their backyards asking if I think they stand a chance at being in  ______ (enter name of teen magazine I happened to be working for at the time).

From these letters, I gleaned that girls all over north America were spending a disproportionate amount (and by that I mean A LOT), of their time, energy and money on trying to achieve the look and body that would open this door to them.  They talked about quitting their favorite sports and activities in order to increase their chances of getting discovered.  In their minds: no soccer = diminished risk of getting a ball to the face, thereby ruining their shot at getting discovered by a model agent at the mall or airport--as if all malls and airports are constantly being trawled by modeling agents.  (But then again, given how we've all heard ad nauseum that Kate Moss was discovered at while en route to a family vacation, is it any surprise that they want that fairy tale for themselves?)  Girls also wrote in about spending their allowances on products and services--waxing, highlights, gym memberships--that once upon a time were only for adults, And about how much time they spent "hanging out" with their friends primping instead of playing.

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Introducing // The Body Image Project from Body Image Project on Vimeo.

Day 168: "Meditate on Being Good Enough as You Are..."

This serene photo of Alice Lake in British Columbia is supposed to inspire thoughtful reflection. Okay now, go.

That’s what Ally the teacher said today in 7am Hatha class.  And it struck me because I never feel good enough.  Which is weird (and sad) because I am someone who (I think) has high self-esteem and a fair amount of perspective…and yet my body doesn’t feel good enough.  I don’t think I’ll ever adjust to the post-pregnancy changes that carrying to giant 8+lb bebehs wrought on me. And I’m not talking about how my body looks (okay, maybe my stomach, but only a little), but rather how my body functions.  It’s just not the same, and as much as I love my kids, I have trouble “celebrating” the fact that I spend a lot of time and money seeking the help of specialists, or spending my “free” time in the evening doing extra stretches and exercises and internet searches to try to help my situation. 

And while I’m confessing about stuff, my mothering often doesn’t feel good enough either.  Are the kids being exposed to all the things that will make them happy and successful?  Am I a neurotic fool to even worry about that?  Are they eating well enough?  Are they where they should be in their development?  Should I be giving/doing/organizing/creating more? 

Plus I wonder about being a good enough wife.  Like, am I attentive enough?  Do we have sex enough? Is my house clean enough? And (I can’t believe this thought actually exists in my head, but it does) are my menu options varied enough?  No, really.  I actually worry about that.  I went to school for nearly 20 years (from preschool to grad school), and I like to think about things like semiotics and feminism—and yet I worry almost daily about whether or not we’ve eaten chicken too often lately, and what new fun lunchtime options my toddler will eat without needing ketchup poured on it.

I also wonder about whether I’m being me enough.  About getting enough time to write, think, plan and progress toward my own personal goals.

So when Ally got us out of savasana, back up to easy pose on our foam blocks, and had us think about being good enough as we are, I really tried.  And I chanted along—feeling hokey as hell—saying, “I am.  I am. I am.”

And for the rest of the day, I’m going to try to remember that I am.