I yelled all day long today. I yelled at my kids to get them out of the house for playgroup. And I yelled to get them from playgroup out to the playground. I also yelled to get them from the playground home for lunch...
I am deeply ashamed. And I honestly do feel like a terrible mother.
I blame it on lack of sleep. I blame it on having two boys--both essentially toddlers--who need endless stimulation and exercise. I blame it-- well, it doesn't really matter.
Chris hustled home so I could make it to a 7pm Hatha class, ... but he walked in at 6:55. If I had gotten my shit together faster than a well-slept, energetic twentysoemthing I *might* have made it. But I just couldn't. I hadn't even had a chance to pee since leaving the house at 3:15 when I took Ollie to his first soccer class (where he cried a lot), took Felix to playtime in a toddler play room at the community center, drove to the fish store, got them both out in the rain, bought shrimp, dropped my wallet and scattered the contents on the floor, grabbed a tissue to mop up my shirt where Felix's wet diaper leaked all over me, got them both back into the car, drove home, unpacked, cooked dinner while Felix clung to my legs crying and fed them. I needed more than 4.5 minutes to get my stuff, use the toilet and walk the 7 minutes to the studio. I'm crazy like that.
So I practiced at home after the kids went to bed, which I actually haven't done in a few weeks. And by the time I hit the mat, I had a lot of negative energy pent up inside me.
I started with child's pose--just to get my breathing under control. Then I added in sun salutations with lots of pauses in plank position for no other reason than 3 months ago I couldn't hold plank position due to a weak core. And now I can. So I do.
After about 15 minutes, I was frankly ready to quit. Nothing was coming together, and I couldn't stop thinking about the Dairy Queen Mint Chocolate Oreo cake in the freezer. So I lay back down in child's pose and mentally gave up. But when I started to roll my mat up, I felt unfinished. Unsatisfied, even. There was still too much stress coursing through my body and I wasn't ready to go back upstairs to my life and responsibilities. So I started again. More sun salutations, more plank, more forward folds and lots of Shiva Rea-inspired free-flowing downward dogs. And I felt a lot better. Nicer. Not so compelled to yell.
Then I ate dinner and ice cream cake.